Sunday, June 21, 2009

A Papa's Day Gift



Cameron visited me this morning. In a dream. First, I heard a lot of bird chatter in my garden. More than usual. I sat up and saw a beautiful red cardinal sitting on the sill. Looking at me. I knew it was him. He turned his head and looked up. I followed his gaze and, up in the tree, covering every branch, were hundreds of cardinals! It looked like a bright red autumn tree with all its leaves, rustling in the wind. The tree was almost glowing with beauty and movement. It took my breath away!

Next thing I knew, I was at a conference of some kind. There was a lady in a blue suit talking at the dais (I couldn't see anyone else there because I was in front, sitting on a sofa. Everyone else was behind me. Behind the lady was a huge wall of windows, trees and light outside.

I looked to my right and Cameron was beside me, about 8 or 9 years old, in one of his iconic red striped shirts. He cuddled up next to me and I asked him how he was. He said "Good. A little cold." I pulled a blanket around us both and snuggled in a little more tightly. I could feel his warmth. I smelled his hair. I know that smell so well.

The lady was talking in the background, and all I could really hear was my quiet conversation with Cameron.

I asked him, "So... how's heaven?" He said, "It's really good. It's not what you might think. There's no form, only thought. Sometimes it's exhausting thinking so much. That's why we come down, you know? To take a break and to put the thoughts into action." Then he said something about people being so soft because we are always looking for a home. An image came to me of people walking around aimlessly with suitcases...

He continued, "It's like in the Wizard of Oz, Papa. The Wizard had to come down in a balloon to tell the Scarecrow, Tin Man & Lion that they already had a brain, heart and courage. It's all already there.
All these things people think they don't have, they already do."

The lady in the blue suit addressed Cameron. "It's time," she said. He stood up and walked toward the podium. That's when I woke up, feeling totally at peace, remembering the smell of his hair.

Thank you, my son, for your Papa's Day visit. Thank you for the beautiful vision of cardinals, and for the simple truth and reminder.
I hope we can hang out again soon.

I love you, Papa.
I love you more.
I love you more of all.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Coming Out of the Dark

Feels like the dust is finally settling a bit, though I know it's about to fly again with my move East.

My move East.... sounds like a dream. I am waiting to hear back from the Waldorf School of Cape Cod, where I hope to be working. I should know by week's end. Then I'll be kicking it into high gear, getting the fixes done on the house, packing up boxes and boxes. The plan is to move by July 1. Fingers crossed!

I feel Cameron with me a lot. People are dreaming about him and seeing Cardinals everywhere! He is guiding this process and I am trusting that everything is going according to Hoyle. My mantra is simply the word Flow. Call me a Flower. :)

More soon, just wanted to check in and share that I'm ok.

Deep gratitude.

UPDATE: I was not offered the position at the Waldorf School of Cape Cod. I am a bit confused and disappointed, but there must be something else in store for me. I am still moving East, but my options have expanded somewhat. I am giving myself the month of July to figure out what to do. Meanwhile, I will ramp up my work with The Brain Candy Project & MOTO*MOJO. Any leads would be greatly appreciated!!